love sigh

the 2nd phase of our relationship has surfaced I think

  • miscommunication.
  • failure to understand each other.
  • too selfish and argumentative
  • too stubborn to kiss and make up.
  • impossibility of making it work.

I'm disappointed that he's disappointed with me.
He shouldn't reacted like that when I've gone through and about to go through hell just to come up with that decision.
Maybe I'm hoping too much on his understanding and support and love that cant exist at that time.
Cant he just understand that I had sacrificed more than he thot but I dont want to tell him that I made sacrifices because that would mean Im trying to compare with him and thats not any relationship. There's just no easy way in telling your partner to understand what you've done for him.

I'm confused and this is a major turn off.
But I still love this love and him =(

predicting what is predictable

how do you share your worries with your partner?
even if its related to us, him.. I cant bring myself to talk with him
this has nothing to do with who loves more and who loves less right

I cuma tak biasa committing my heart to just one person

I tak biasa in a relationship and act like a devoted girlfriend

I biasa bercinta tp I tak biasa berdua

but this doesn't mean I don't love him

I used to be this cool girlfriend who allowed the guy to have his own time and expected to be given the same amount of "me" time.. I'm very comfortable with being alone, hanging out with girlfriends and share the joys of the day with my boyfriend..maybe we're not really in love before but the pressure was less, hence more comfortable. For 6 years this is who I was.

Now the pressure is everywhere and the pressure itself is confusing
  • Its like I think about my bf often but I rarely show it because does it matter for him to knw? Lack of affections they said..
  • Ppl seem to think I have no clue that my bf might still keep in touch with the former girl and that he prolly still loves her so I should cage him-- reality is I'm very aware of it and strangely I don't feel jealous about it. I can be mad (of crse) if there's complete secrecy but other than that, I kind of understand.
these 2 can be the downfall of our rship.......would it be my fault by then?

I know what I want

I want to go to HKU - Elaine to be. Gotta be. No buts. I want to breathe a new life..with riry? :p

I want a relationship - I want more than sweet words, I want more than someone like hazry asking me what im wearing at nite, I want more than kisses thru the fon, I want more than being one's favorite girl, I want more than stalled memories, I want to be the one and only in someone's heart coz I can do that for him. Or else it's just a connection.

I want a relationship that will reach an anniversary - this is very challenging for someone like me but I'm willing to challenge myself.

I want a life with a closetful of CDGs - means I just want to end up doing what Im passionate about successfully and gain what I've always wanted

I want small doses of happiness daily instead of a bulk of it once a year - lately Im so happy to know I'm blessed with littlest form of love that I often overlook..I percaya when your heart aches, your mind opens your eyes to notice beautiful things to mend your heart..and oh, I'm gonna go back to the life of shared interests...with sheart..makes me feel naturally beautiful and ambitious =)

spiritually speaking, I also know what I want to do but its between me and Him..=)

without words

I shouldn't have done that,
I should have pretend not to know
Like I didn't see it,
like I couldn't see it
I shouldn't have looked at you in the first place

I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn't listening
Like I didn't hear it,
like I couldn't hear it
I shouldn't have heard your love in the first place

Without a word you made me know love
Without a word you gave me love
Because you took just a breath and ran away like this
Without a word love leaves me
Without a word love abandons me
Wondering what to say next,
my lips were surprised
Because it came without words

you're beautiful ost~

tcof is spooky

“Okay babe, if you don’t want to be ducks… let’s be butterflies.”

“Butterflies?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes. Butterflies. Two butterflies flying together. We can be butterfly lovers,” he kissed my neck as a smile came over his face.

Yes, it was a very weird night. He was being romantic with ducks and butterflies, while I was only thinking about awkward thoughts, which always lead to awkward moments.

“Actually, my Chinese friend told me about this Chinese legend called the ‘Butterfly Lovers’ and it has somewhat of a tragic fate. Forbidden love… you know, kind of like Romeo and Juliet? The couple end up not reuniting together until in death.”


“Okay babe, just forget about anything your Chinese friend ever told you. First you ban my duck theory, calling me a male prostitute, and now my butterfly theory, saying we’re deemed to have a tragic fate. That’s just a load of baloney and superstition. I’m telling you we’re Butterfly Lovers and we don’t need to reunite together in death. You’re together with me right now…. and forever.”

“O-okay…” I smiled as I looked at our fingers entwined together. “We’re Butterfly Lovers.”

“The butterfly is a powerful symbol for transformation. It can symbolize joy, success, and love. Don’t you think our love… is kind of like the transformation of a butterfly?”

“H-how?” I stuttered, confusion coming across my face because like he always says, I’m just a clueless girl who doesn’t get a lot of things.

“Cause there’s distinct stages in love. As your relationship progresses into each stage of love, changes happen. Sometimes there are bad changes, and that can weaken the bond between two lovers, but I’d like to think in our relationship, everything has been good. So very good…” He kissed me delicately on the nose. “I’ve learned to love you more and more, as I fall deeper in each stage. Maybe that butterfly represents a strong symbol of metamorphosis.”

I looked up with a smile. “Wow.”

“Change and transformation are inevitable for us all, but it doesn’t have to be tragic.” He swiped a thumb on my lip again, causing me to look up. “You’ve changed from the beginning…”

“I-I have?” I replied, confusion muddling to the forefront of my mind.

“You’ve changed to be a better person, falling in love with me. You’ve changed in a positive way to make another person happy, but at the same time, you’ve grown out of your cocoon and transformed into the most beautiful butterfly.”

beautiful conversation, spooky coincidence

wakil kata hati

..masih seperti dulu --- this

UBV excerpt

"The dark haired woman lies languidly on her bed, eyes closed, drowning in the darkness of her bedroom. She knew this was wrong—she was being weak and pathetic, and this is not the woman he would have wanted to see. But the fire inside of her was small and nearly burnt out, and she just couldn’t be bothered to feel, to want to feel.

All she wanted was to pretend that all her mistakes—her greatest mistake—did not just come back to haunt her."

- 'the good daughter', Una Bella Vita

when it comes to fantasy and imagination..we're better off with Asians who are non-Malaysians
some of our friends are mad talented and super nice
they feed our ego, increase our preferences, entertain our downfalls and decrease our innocence =p
we inspire one another
a different interesting world after all~


" The weight of the things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday "

butterfly lovers


We're butterflies and lovers

We look pretty and happy just being together

We're like butterfly lovers

We let each other go all the time

We're like the cursed butterfly lovers

We always get separated in the end

In the end this love will die and decay

Where would I be?


"To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own."

-Abraham Lincoln

sticky note to your heart

I've never been mushy or romantic my whole life
but now?
I dont mind if the whole world knws pun

I just want to tell you
I love you baby and I'm with you
you can become greater than you already are..
because I have faith in you, my love is you

and sayang you know this ain't just an ordinary love

unkept promise


Riry la ni..knape ingatkan..

dont forget about us IV

I'm just speaking from experience
Nothing can compare to your first true love
So I hope this will remind you
When it's for real, it's forever
So don't forget about us

dont forget about us III

And don't forget about
Late nights, playing in the dark
And waking up inside my arms
Boy, you'll always be in my heart and
I can see it in your eyes
You still want it
So don't forget about us

dont forget about us II

Now every time I see you
I pretend I'm fine
When I wanna reach out to you
But I turn and I walk and I let it ride
Baby I must confess
We were bigger than anything
Remember us at our best

dont forget about us I

Just let it die
With no goodbyes
Details don't matter
We both paid the price
Tears in my eyes
You know sometimes
It'd be like that baby

my soon to be married sis +)

Element - cinta tak bersyarat

"Demi nama cinta
Telah kupersembahkan hatiku hanya untukmu
Telah kujaga kejujuran dalam setiap nafasku
Karna demi cinta
Telah kurelakan kecewaku atas ingkarmu
Sebab ku mengerti cinta itu tak mesti memiliki"

dont matter

"please think of yourself for once"

Im sorry B I cant do that
Even you cant do that also kan

I've learnt to treat everyone like butterflies
They can come, kiss and go
Because I do that, too =)

condition of my heart

People will still misunderstand my intention even after I've passed everything I own to them
Until they're happy and satisfied, I cant be

Underneath the cold-blooded Nazrin, there's In
In yang dengar and terima je apa orang cakap
In yang nak sangat jadi selfish tapi tak mampu
In yang nak sangat bising tapi in the end senyap
In yang macam tak kisah kat orang tapi dia kisah sangat
In yang nak stay tapi tau dia kena pergi

particularly right now, I couldnt cry a single tear and that worries me
I feel burdened to appear strong for my close ones
Maybe this is how a child of problematic household grw up to be
Thick on the outside, damaged on the inside

I'll be okay as long as I see my close ones are doing fine :) but please
stop bullying me with your assumptions of how heartless I am and how pitiful you are..

you underestimate the condition of my heart.........


okay, put on a smile starting from NOW =)
p.s: toek la u ni In~

8 years <3

Oh no

Im in love

Oh no

I takut

It took me

8 years

to realize this


It's a foreign feeling...

cruelty knows no boundaries

one year, one month or even one week..

even if it's temporary, I wish it was a real love

so I could reminisce the good times and not feeling any regret about it

but this?

our bond is breaking apart... and im afraid we wont do anything about it.....

The Nala

you love sleeping.
so sleep!

you love eating.
so eat!

when territory has been interrupted and twisted
I crave on turning into a lioness
tear people and eat them slowly
and then lie down and look pretty on a hot sunny day

I have an animal instinct for sure

..but Im most likely to marry a mouse. Sigh, even now Im dealing with one.

oh Moja !

I've forgotten about this song
last time I heard it was 3months ago
How nostalgic and ridiculous
Mujahid and Me :p
Tua-tua pun ada cinta monyet lagi.............

Raffi Ahmad & Ayushita - Jangan Bilang Tidak

Ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
Cintaku dulu tlah ku buang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

Ku pernah menyendiri di sini ku akan terasa sepi
Walaupun bibir penuh gelak tawa namun hatiku sepi

Jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
Siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
Banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
Kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan
Cinta kita kan abadi

Ku pernah punya cinta namun kini ku sedang suka kamu
Cintaku dulu tlah kubuang jauh kini ku ingin kamu

Jangan bilang tidak bila kita belum mencoba
Siapa yang tahu akan sama hatimu dan juga hatiku
Banyak yang bercinta bertahun-tahun putus juga
Kuharapkan dengan dirimu walaupun singkat pendekatan

Jangan bilang tidak waktu dicium aku bingung
Namun dada ini bergetar
Makanya sungguh aku mohon
Jangan bilang tidak


Hmm, going through a set back
shouldn’t be easier than speaking of it, should it?
Wait if you understood a little better
Surely a better rain would fall

That's what I was called
And even if I feel lonely sometimes, I’m okay
If only we ride on the answers together
We can fly higher than the clouds

The wheels that won’t turn are lining up before my eyes
I wonder who's the hypocrite who won't step on the accelerator?
What a contradiction

Oh baby wait and see
Sometimes, even pain is good
It's because there's risk
That believing in this means something
It’s impossible not to be lost

Oh baby wait and see
Even though waiting isn't my specialty
It's too soon to start your scolding
Don't believe in things like fortune-telling

Turning to love, there's a shortage on the left side
That's why I need you
Do you intend to protect yourself with that cold attitude?

I want the power to endure what I cannot change
And also to change what I cannot endure

Oh baby wait and see
Even though there's no fun to hurt
It's because there's risk
That we become strong enough to fight
It's impossible not to be afraid

So baby wait and see
There's no wound that can't be healed
I wonder if it's because there's risk
That we hurt the more we love

Would it be easier
To run somewhere far away?
It wouldn’t be
Because I’m me no matter where we are

Don't believe until you see all there is to see...

one kickass girl

Happy 22nd to dear Riry

I think this is the first time Im wishing someone's birthday here

You're that important ! :)

sigh, im bad at expressing my appreciation knowing you'll read this. later~


you aren't in the game, you're just cheerleaders.

oh my GD


hardworking lonely

committed focused

polite humble

passionate crazy

pretty decisive

disoriented young

loyal omey


wishlist: clone GD as mine.

tarik tali

He declared a game of fairness when I don't want to play games anymore

I used to be frustrated surely


I'm not gonna be frustrated over this

I'm good enough at it.


Why do I act like I have no parents
Why do I act like I have no siblings
Why don't I act like I have parents
Why don't I act like I have siblings

They don't even know facts about me

Jealousy, rivalry and money ruined me
Even when I have none of these

I'm just a confused, doll/ball-like middle-child

Hoping for rakuen

you and your words

I've been asked about my sexuality
Like do I like Man or Woman?

I do like pretty Men.

but I thought you're a lesbian

I do like pretty Men.

seriously, I thought you've bordered into lesbianism

I do like pretty Men. Damnit!

All these peer pressures from social networking can go to hell
I cant find my own pretty man with you observing me
Facebook is no longer IT

I play whenever I want to play, in privacy
PDA isn't my thing
And commitment is too burdening for a thought

Vena Cava

This is old but wow

Vena Cava


any girl

looks cheap

with expensive shirt





one minute memo

Boys and Girls

Let's not remind me of my past

Concerning our times together

How I used to laugh

How I used to care

How I kissed before

How I always picked up the calls

The memories

I gave away what should be given away

That's why you're having my stuffs instead of I'm having yours

I don't remember anymore

And no redeeming yourselves here

dumdum bullet

one of the kids i met passed away
too young, too soon
but who are we to complain?
my brother is mourning
his friends are frozen
i am reminded of death

trivial matters suddenly become important.........................

who should own my aegya(laptop), GD(car) and books..?
i should let someone jot down passwords to all my accounts
i should decide which one of MEs in the internet is the closest to my real self
(yeah im different in each account because you guys cant accept the full package)
would my writings hurt my close ones when they finally read it?
what would they feel on being lied to, betrayed, turned away, ignored..............
who is actually the one I care and don't care about?

Guess I have to start the deleting and saving and editing


Wear your pajamas

Kiss the wall goodnight

Simple act like that

Is not crazy

It makes you happy =)

Kiss is cold

No butterflies to bother you

Tonight and the past

So I still went out to Lepaq (with company) even though Im supposed to be quarantined =p
Daia and Yambo's invitation was too irresistible ~ and damn, she's awesome ~
Had beef burger without cheese..sigh
Tak guna betul cheese beracun I cant eat any!

One second request

That's it
Marry me off with a doctor, any doctor !

that acute allergy was a bad, bad joke. its not funny after 3x.

Tagged by I bake, do you?

Anda rasa anda hot?

Isnt it obvious?
Being kinky needs courage and confidence. So hellyeah Im hot.
Haha I think I'll regret this answer.

Upload gambar kegemaran anda.



Kenapa anda suka gambar ini?

1. The only time I will engrave my obsession on my skin

2. Thats just what I want to appear like.

Being uglypretty, excited, pretentious, and bare.

Me. Yeah.

Bila kali terakhir makan pizza?

Before final or time final. leftover given by Daia. seafood pizza I think.

Apa yang anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?

Viewing other pictures.

Tag 7 orang :

  1. Riry
  2. Ainaa Yasmin
  3. Shila
  4. Ixa
  5. Nona
  6. Haxi
  7. Farid
Siapa nombor 1 kepada anda?

My girlfriend
My confidente
My LAP partner for 3 years
The optimist to my pessimist =)

Siapakah orang nombor 2?

My girlfriend
My shopping and CL partner
The one I whine about boys to =)

Orang nombor 3 ada hubungan dengan sesiapa?

Shila is taken by Amar Ode =)

Bagaimana dengan nombor 4?

I suspect she's with someone
However, still unknown to me =p
Tell me la

Kata sesuatu kepada orang nombor 5?

Nona, Im surprised that you linked me and kept silent about it
Happy that you're happy now
Keep that glow on your face okay =)

Pesanan kepada nombor 6?

You're loud and now I miss that
You're original
I miss you TOO =p

Pendapat anda tentang nombor 7?

Wonderful and very very helpful
Like a Swiss knife and Valium
I depend on her for everything =)

The other me

Remember the girl in other part of the world who is similar to me?
Clone is doing it again
She actually put some pics like the ones I have in mind lately
We dont even communicate to each other !


Someone out there is actually yourself

With more or less talents

And you will realize

Its hard to love yourself

Thats why people preach it

Love Yourself

Love Yourself Before You Love Others

Because its not easy

I hate her

Okay, hate is such a childish word



yg aku pernah marah dan to the extent memaki
Akhirnya menjadi anak murid paling bagus dalam kelas
Dan ya kerana mereka makan saman, aku pun terlebih bias
Im too attached with them

Manakala yang aku biarkan dan exemptkan selama ini
Kerana berfikir mereka sudah berada dalam keadaan selamat
Telah mengincreasekan lemak mereka
Sehingga menguji kesabaran aku
Big possibility that I might explode next week~


Its not easy to handle immature students who think they're all that
They must be Capricorn babies
It's not easy to handle anak ikan who thinks he has me under control just because he knw damn well he's good-looking
It's not easy to handle anak ikans. Period.

And it's hard to handle myself when I knw damn well that I am not a well-mannered teacher!
It's hard to pretend that I know nothing about their antiques when I myself was one of the most problematic students back in my SPM year
But hey the good thing about the situations Im in is that I know how to work my ways and accepting their ways ~
problematic teacher vs problematic students = kickass class!

Ah I guess it happens here too

my milo

This month I'm living the life by questioning my daily routines (with very very silly questions)

What am I doing right now?
Can this be called a life?
Why cant I have fun like the others?
Why must I find money and save it?
How can I meet people and boyfriend if I don't have time?
Can I rest and sleep just for one day..uninterrupted?
When can I beautify myself?

and the very question that bugs me the most is............
Which day of the week should I let go?

As of right now, I hold tuition classes everyday except for Monday, be it for private or charitable purposes.
I am not greedy. I am. I am not. Maybe.

I need to drop one of these classes eventually.
You might say it 'sounds so easy unless you're greedy la'..
You wouldn't understand the bond I have with my anak ikans/adiks/children esp with the unfortunate kids. I am deeply attached up to the point I don't think I can be happy without them.
They're a bunch of pleasant mess +)
The way they appreciate, the way they apologize, the way they do what you had advised are done in many creative ways -- I feel special --

Im in love.

I dont mind anymore
I want to stay so bad
I dont want to let go
I dont mind looking less desirable
They're mine!!
Greed is my sin

modern witch/old-school musician

So I kind of like him

That's why I saved this


I like him

He's sexy and charismatic

On the other hand

She's scary, beautiful, demonic,

gorgeous, captivating and

breathtaking and wow Im speechless..

I think~

white flag!

After months of navigating the ship of education (haha!)

I failed in teaching what would be the most un-challenging class


*Dives into the sea*

--- to meet new anak ikans ?

hating the fabricated me

There's this girl who lives oceans apart from me
She is very talented unlike me
We breathe in different airs, speak in different languages and learning different courses
However we experience similar occurrences and seem to think of the same things most of the times
And it is S P O O K Y
She doesnt know because I didnt write about it, she did.
The songs we like, laptop broken, non-24 syndrome, hatred on certain girls, being cranky and why..the list is endless..

Lately Im beginning to hate myself
Okay hate is such a childish word,
Disappointed at myself for being so useless and late in response to life
Im cranky and moody and selfconscious(over him) .. so UN-me
So I checked her latest posts just to..check

She's cranky


I hate her. Okay 'hate' is a childish word..disappointed over her ungrateful remarks.
She wants to bitch, go on but to tell those who adore you off because you think everybody wants a piece of you, I'd say blah! BIGHEAD

Anyway, anyway my point is


puas hati until she replies..and the onlineWAR begins +)

Riry Alert!

Considering that Riry will understand so I titled it with her name =)
Its about my obsession towards foreign songs..

I found Vitas
Vitas is an established Russian tenor singer with (of course) very high-pitched voice..
(why la my bro didnt tell me abt him when he used to study there..)
I suspect he is a vampire..or maybe a devil..
He has this wicked look stuck on his face but blessed with ultra angelic voice

And he shrieks most of the time yet I find it beautiful..
All his songs are haunting and painful and beautiful and sad and interesting and unique and crazy and sweet and sick and all the adjectives exist..
couldnt quite explain it into words..
He's not a human..I believe so
Dan dgn scarynye Im listening to him at 2am ++

He might freak you out if you search for him in youtube so Im offering the best MV for you +) trust me on this one..hehe
  • Vitas - The Star

  • Vitas - Crane's Crying
  • Vitas - Opera#2
  • Vitas - Mama
Do notify me kalau jumpa his cd somewhere

The Divine Masters - Disampingmu

Of all the Malay songs out there
I only like

Lotter & The Divine Masters - Disampingmu

Like how I like Flop Poppy before and still
They're simple and not pretentious like those bands who pretend that they are simple
They sound like love floating freely in the air


Suka Suki

Following the post below
I started to imagine nonsense
This is good to embarrass myself later

Halleyah Ain


My future =)

Non-existence relationship

I think I want to like someone

I dont like him yet

I just

I desperately want to like him

And I feel like he could return the feelings too

Yesterday I was sure of it

Today I doubt it


Tomorrow Im out of it

Now I m reminded of an old post back in 07

Kiss the nerd, you idiot!
On the downside of my div, we're egoistic BUT we have no balls!
I wouldnt go first for guys that I like.
Even if I want to, I wouldnt want to take the risk.
If I did, I must be very highly dizzy/intoxicated/flirtatious
Exaggerating is what I do best.
Shit. Penakut.

Be my lovecoach.

A bad case of a girl who doesnt know what she wants

I dont feel motivated to study.
I want to elope.



being Rihanna

You see, my car's name is GD
I wanted to hop in the car and slam the door asap
It felt like a nano second race
GD won,my body lost.
So the door banged my face
(exaggerated much haha)

I think you can imagine once I got in the car, I was rolling in pain
Hoping there would be no blood
But then I immediately saw red stains on my finger
With my over dramatic reaction I thought I had lost my tooth, or maybe teeth..
Despite the pain I still laughed while covering my mouth

My friends laughed, considering the imagination of the real GD punching me
Like Rihanna got punched by Chris Brown
And being the silly us, we joked on silly stuff lke rough sex gone bad with GD LOL
and Im feeling okay
now i really wonder, do I like it rough?

24/7 saturated in passions

Sometimes, particularly right now, I think my passions will kill me
They (like my mind) are TWISTED and CONFUSING and SCATTERED and UNCATEGORISED.
I just couldnt narrow down the scope of my passions and their lifetime(like my relationship) hardly reach its anniversary..yarh!!

  • Music
I dont understand those who listen to one genre of music only and of one language only
I indulge in everything and since my music geniuses are pretty much diversified themselves
So I ended up listening all genres of music
It makes me dizzy
I like silly bubblegum pop then drowsy draggy then emo then hiphop gangsta then electropop trance whatever that they have these days then punk rock then indie folk then brit pop then sappy ballads then nu metal then RnB soul etc
My brain couldnt make distinctions anymore
Now, I listen and I like. I listen and I dislike.
That simple
You dont understand why, neither do I

Featured artiste of the day

I dont understand him from the day I first heard about him
But his stage presence is woah (is he for real!)
His songs sucked me into his world everytime and I still dont understand him
Good thing after 15 years, he's still active bcoz this man gonna be the subject of my research
Perhaps, he's the definition of Mirotic (spell) ?
Here's one of my fav by him. Quite old. Live from Vladivostok.

  • Fashion
Im lazy and poor
I know a great deal of fashion, surprisingly
If I wasnt lazy and poor, most of my cash will be spent on and for fashion
Maybe thats why God put me in this state
I'll not get married until I manage to get and wear the things I want
  • Man
Buang the expected 'well-educated', 'gentle', 'rich', and 'bersih'
I'd go for someone (by sequence)

  2. MANLY
  3. DORKY
  4. COOL
  6. YOUNG (LOL)

I just love pretty features on a man's face. Like having full lips, shaped jawline, smiling eyes. And it'd be more interesting for someone pretty like that is actually manly. I have a thing for gangsta-ish man too! Like rappers. Most of them are family-man and very romantic..awww!!

suh sangyoung photoshoot

Blindfold and milk for viewing pleasure :)
But I wouldnt want the combo in real life

sophisticated retards

forget my innocent and ugly image when you're reading this.
SCRATCH IT OFF, I'm just lazy on most days.
I'm a hot mama.

I have the tendency to befriend those who think like me and my bestie
They indulge in strange fashions and distorted thoughts
They either write mushy, erotic, disturbing, or depressing stories featuring our favorite sexdoll (more abt him later) and they are damn good at it they should have debuted already!

They made me smarter than I was.
They made me happy.
They made me feel normal.

Together we stimulate our fantasies to the maximum even though I don't think there's 'maximum' in that infinite subject..

We're a bunch of sophisticated retards..and we're nice to each other :)

Wow, imagine if we create a secret society for professionals to entertain our insatiable minds.

silence kills the others

last night I went out despite the painful emergence of my wisdom tooth because my girlfriends are experts of undue influence -- the pain ceased thanks to endorphins release

oh last night, too
I fell on the podium while dancing
rose back and some celebrated my comeback wuuhuu
they must thought I was in a drunken state
I was so into myself

now aches all over
my tooth
my knee

i cant even pick up calls from abroad
out of desperation, i'll accept even those artificial narcotics, thank you.

one minute fact

::this is a greasy post::

after sending them to school

i realize

i whine too much about everything

towards my besties

specifically the 3 lousy sesons

they love me too much

so they tolerate my diva-ness in public

but i love them more


in return i have to tolerate

one who likes to rebel against me

one who turns blur whenever I expect happy-shouts-hands-in-the-air-jumping-on-bed reaction

one who appears unaffected with our constant tease

still, i find them to be adorably cute :)


i love them more, more.

no offence sesons.muahs.

save me

I did it again and the same feeling resurfaces again.

Im addicted to regrets I think?

Im feeling that time again
The time when I return to my sober state and confirm my loneliness
The time when being horny is meaningless because I am still disturbed
I am afraid to sleep alone lately

And now Im listening to this spooky scary old song by Roy Orbison at 4am.


The night is still the wind is chilled
I hear the rain falling on my window pane
Can't close my eyes, afraid to sleep
Cause when I do I would only dream of you

I'm trying to forget that we ever met
But how can i forget and dream of you?

Afraid to sleep because i'd dream of you
Afraid to sleep because i'd wake up feeling blue
If i stay awake forever,we'd never be together
So i'll close my eyes and go ahead and dream

Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams
Sweer dreams....


Stockholm Fashion Week

~This is my dress! ~
Azade Habibnia

~Husband gonna love this~
Erik Annerborn


The you-cant-grope-my-breasts-but-you-can-do-so-to-my-vajajay dress
Ilona Rius

pretty PRETTY pretty PRETTY!!

.meet my husband.

.Kwon Jiyong/G-Dragon.
He fits the criteria of my dream husband because
  1. He's NOT handsome, just nyum-nyum :)

2. He looks like he's a masochist which is a BONUS to me and my sadistic mind :)

3. He loves what I love : strange fashion sense and all the pleasures in life :)

4. His styles are random, OTT and so him :)

5. He's young, workaholic, and successful :)

6. He's the youngest out of the 8 most influential men in Korea in 2008,
a fact which his wife can spazz about for a decade!

7. He's filthy RICH by his own effort :)
a former model/rapper and leader of the ever talented Big Bang/composer/producer of YGent/fashion designer. Any percentage that he gets out of MYR 92, 995, 424.54 (Big Bang's rev in 08) is still a lot of money ~yarh~

8. He gives out the bipolar vibes that I dig :)

9. He can spoils me with a closetful of Fendis and Cavallis and Kokosalakis.
Since we're both sexually disoriented in fashion we can happily share CDG, Bernhard Willhelm, Ann-Sofie Back,Chanel,Y,Bikkermbegs and Viv Westwood..ahhhh happiness! :)

10. He loves older woman :)

***extra reasons***

11. He's a music genius after Thom Yorke and Seo Taiji in a whole new dimension :)

Crazy Dog is my personal favourite.
Hot Issue is the best mini album.
The cover of Maroon 5's This Love made me love it more than the original sometimes.
Lies, Last Farewell, Haru Haru, Oh my friend, Heaven, Fool, But I love you girl and Intro (screaming now) are undeniably great songs.

12. Dia poyo tahap dewa yet still lovable :)
What is 'poyo' in english anyway?

your duty to me

Say, one day Im appoint yourself as the messenger for me (because there's no way I'd tell these men in my life in person or allow them to read my blog)

My brothers
  • Along - Im proud to have the smartest, funniest and unique bloodbrother. We dont talk a lot since we're so alike, but I dont mind it at all because its the silent understanding that I cherish the most.
  • Luqman -This is scarily cheesy, I really dont know how life would be without you. You're my p.a, bodyguard and bestie 24/7. I depend on you most of the time and yes, Im lost without my younger brother :)
Love my bros including little twin bros as well as bros-in-law :D

My dads
  • Papa :1: - You created me, papa you're awesome! :p I adopt most of your good qualities and perhaps because we're too similar, unknowingly we're against each other-like magnets with the same poles. I never told you this but I enjoy your sense of humour.
  • Papa - From my childhood days until today, you remain my #1 Hero. You're a charismatic man that I look up to and always be proud of. Words failed to describe my appreciation and love.
Thank you for raising this not-so innocent daughter of yours.

My guys
  • Amirul Farez (Bzr) - You're the best guy ever produced by that institution for me :) everytime I think of the time and distance our friendship have to endure for years and how your bongok love had surpassed them, I know I am loved. It helps a lot, so yeah aku syg ko jugak!
  • Shazu - The best friend who always be there during my hard times and whom I rarely return the favour. I dont express much because my guilt conquers me. If I could have my own miraculous ways, yep all the happiness and joys in the world are yours :) somehow you do know how trapped I am, right?
  • Wan (Boy) - My estranged husband(lol), my unofficial boyfriend and my longtime friend. Thank you for accepting the sebaik-baik me and also the seburuk-buruk me. I love you too much that I avoid all the possibilities of goes beyond the unguaranteed love you case you need a confirmation, you're really important in my life.
Im sorry and I love each of you very very much.

realistic affair

Would you still have love [for me] when you turn 80?

Im drinking and smoking a lot so you know I wont. I'll die soon.

Yeah, you'll die soon surely

That's why Im sticking to him.

Forgetting Alexis

Good singer but Noryn Aziz actually failed in being a good performer
Now I know why, despite powerful vocal she's still not favoured by others
She just couldnt deliver emotions through her songs
And she sings songs that only her and her close ones would know
I almost blurted out "syok sendiri" there~oopss~
I dont care which genre of music pun, if you can deliver to your audiences then you're already worth my money

And I thought she's our Charmaine Clamor...

And Maybankard Visa dah byk kali hina I -- humiliating me like I have no money --

And Im happy to get Max for a night after we did the one shot thingy because I won!

smells like 'J'

Attraction is fatal.
Obsession is addictive.
I wish I could sleep with him.
In the morning I wake up to and for it.
His scent is my nepenthe.

Lady In and her women

My Girlfriends

Forget the vast differences
This fact, Im sure that's what bind us for years :

We're fashionable but selekeh but high maintenance but kering but open-minded but innocent but smart but dumb but naughty but naive.

We're all that and nothing less (deny yourself if you want :p)
  • You wouldnt know which one of us wear Marc Jacobs on daily basis and owns Cavallis in the closet
  • You wouldnt know which one of us do excessive online shopping in one year
  • You wouldnt know which one of us has been there and done that
  • You wouldnt know which one of us has weird fetish over the opposite sex
  • You wouldnt know which one of us knows more than 3 languages
  • You wouldnt know which one of us sings like Yuna
  • You wouldnt know which one of us has a rapeable boyfriend
  • You wouldnt know which one of us thinks she's actually thin (not me, not x, not y - what's up with the fat issue???)
  • You wouldnt know which one of us actually represented Malaysia and came back with victory
  • You wouldnt know which one of us is actually suffering from the worst lucks in life
  • You wouldnt know which one of us travels around the world like its part of her yearly requirement
  • You wouldnt know which one of us is the ultimate genius
  • You wouldnt know which one of us holds the real secret of secrets in Malaysian scenes
  • You wouldnt know which one of us is the best at impersonations
  • You wouldnt know which one of us sleeps on time at all times
Because we are deceiving in nature.
No, because we are too humble in nature.
Maybe because we are naturally hypocrites.

Are ALL rabbits like that?

talking to myself

You're thinking of something
You couldnt take it out and spread 'em into proper words though
You have no clues
But positively you're thinking of something..........

and suddenly your back aches
migraine attacks and you blame flashes of lights from the photocopy machine earlier
your heart beats faster and you're feeling guilty for no reason
you want to yell at chris martin for singing yellow at this hour

you're a troublesome, you know


Kids, there's no fun in acting matured and polite like us

Farid's 13 year old student does graphic designing and serious blogging!
Well, my 15 year old sis has a side career as a model

I matured fast enough and its not fun

What is left for me to do?


My favourite music genius GD is featured in SeungRi's debut single
Someone young like that, you're just jealous if you called him a wannabe

SeungRi - Strong Baby MV



standard procedure in early Jan

Incomplete promises to self in 2008 are forwarded to this year
  • buy all the Vertigo series : Fables (because I am super cool)
  • get out from Malaysia once a year at least (because I am super rich)
  • avoid bad-mouthing those I-know-better people behind their backs (because I am super nice)
  • get my own Comme des Garcons (because I am super stylish)
  • go out with more and more 90's kids (because I am super young)
  • visit the library 3x times more than before (because I am super smart)
  • attend any of my fav music geniuses' show (because I am their super fangirl)
whatever is needed to motivate me, i'll do it