Me and my girlfriends are a bunch of retards


We share men

.save us.

Im the first wife

.save me.


I think my old blog posts are awesome
I am amazed at myself LOL

The Angelic Sinner 1.0

She was alive, and unafraid with her words

I have deviated from old habits kot?


Shit, I feel so depressed right now

Thanks to this one couple who parted ways because they love each other too much

They never said I love you to each other, they never kissed on the lips

They're just a decent couple for almost a year

I hate their heartbreaking video messages to each others' future partner

I hate all the sayings that actually mean nothing but I LOVE YOU

Sorry in advance to my future husband but I don't think I can ever forget this man and the past we had


She doesn't know this but when things were really hard, I looked at her face..and she has comforted me so many times


He couldn't wake up instantly in the morning so you have to be patient


She cooks well but please don't make her cook all the time


He likes to win so always lose to him but don't make it too obvious


Please work hard for her so she can rest well in the future


He doesn't like to say mushy things so try to understand his messages from the heart


She always appear strong but let her know its okay to cry sometimes

She's a true woman when she's being herself


She's the only and the last person I'd come to this place with and

Lastly make sure she wont come to this place anymore because she will remember me~

I cant remember if I have said things like that to a man before

I have but I don't remember the details or perhaps I refused to

Too bad I didn't keep a copy of the pieces I wrote

Hello~ was it heartbreaking, the last words I said?


I was never the romantic type because I dont do PDA and Im not the I-miss-you-lets-meet-everyday girlfriend, I dont want hugs, flowers or rings (though fine dining, money and clothes are accepted)

However I do want a guy to tell me something that shows he actually notices the littlest and simplest things about me

  • I want to go to strange childish places like the Safari or Planetarium,
  • I want him to buy me Yoko-Yoko when my legs ache from walking with heels for hours,
  • I want him to buy me reference books so I would study diligently,
  • I want him to buy me chocolate or milo when Im moody,
  • I want him to find my lost bracelet even if we have walked 2km farther down the road
  • Tell me that he doesn't mind me reading comics and spazzing over the characters
  • Tell me that he doesn't mind to taste my terrible cookings
  • Tell me that its okay to receive one-day silent treatment every month
  • Tell me that I can wake up late during weekends

BIG sigh

Really, I cant remember the feeling of being loved truly and sincerely by a guy

It seems like it happened a long time ago?

The others seem like they were only using me to at least, feel wanted or appreciated once in their lives +(

Just so you know, I had fun too so Im not blaming you 100%

This is getting pitiful and nonsense, need to stop haha

I'm walking through streets that are dead
Walking, walking with you in my head
My feet are so tired, my brain is so wired
And the clouds are weeping
Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child; you destroyed me with a smile
-Lovesick, Bob Dylan

I nod endlessly and I stab soon after

Everybody knows Im not a great law student
I feel like Im only fated to study that and just that
Obviously I dont have the FIRE to argue

I believe Im smart in my own rights
Tensai neh, tensai
not in the Malaysian education system context though
and not through the eyes of snobbish educated Malaysians of course

Often Im being seen as someone dumb
I volunteered myself to appear dumb
Partly because I AM DUMB and partly because its fun +)

Its really interesting to see someone to look down upon you
All this while thinking you know nothing about what they said
Like all the talks relating to politics, history, philosophers and books
They mention complicated Russian-ish names and expect my jaws to drop, completely amazed
There's just so many aspects of life that people thought Im clueless about
Its irritating to see them explaining it to me over and over again but its interesting to see that coming from self-claimed humble individuals
Kafka my ass

As for me, Im not humble, Im just lazy to talk or show it in public
Laziness conquers me like no one else
Aphrodisia too, at times
And when I do boast about it, I tend to become too arrogant
But thats alright, usually it happens when I have to counter-attack an arrogant person

Please teach me about cooking, statistic, preservatives, engines, cancer cells instead

box out the strange self

-=to the wide-eyed audiences & skeletons in my closet=-

I rarely smile at strangers.
When I use my headphones and blend in with the crowds of people
I think I have disappeared

Nonetheless I dont have a problem dancing and making out with strangers.
I want to dance
The music that makes even my own footsteps disappear
Until I can forget the fights with you

Always instantly seeking for privacy when regrets resurface.
When I return to my messy room
In your existence I confirm my loneliness

And back to the usual cold silent self.
Although it would be nice if I could become gentler
For only my sake and not someone else's
I can't feel the pain by myself

I never apologized because they, in real life is just as selfish as I.
That's why it's for you...
I hope I can be stronger, I hope someday I will reach you
I want to give you the same loneliness
That's why I sing this song for you

Im happy in my deluded fairytales and dreams.
Even on mornings I don't want to get up,
I get up for his face
On the sleepless nights I sing the song you gave to me.
Don't make the wrong guess
Because I don't think I'll rely on you
Or anyone or anything

I heard. I know about the plan to talk me into reality.
If there's a song that can be sung for only my sake
And not someone else's
I don't want to remember that kind of thing
That's why it's for you...

Take time, perhaps the crazy one is you?
I'm supposed to be used to this
I can be humble but when Im being misunderstood
I feel like I'll burst

I love you
I want to make you cry
I can try to heal you too
When I want to fly
You always give me a brighter sky

too much that it backfires.
You want to make me cry
You taught me joy by sorrow
When I want to shine
You always give me a darker sky

when it fades

...engrave it.

my obsession is always intense.
but subject to cease too.

it was my little sister's idea
and I always wanted to do this once
since he has one on his back too +)
bad bad boy

My landslide fear

The landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa affected me a lot.
Taman Bukit Mewah.
That is where my ex was.
We have known each other since 98 (10years)

Even though I dont love him as in 'love' even when we were together
I have always love him and his family.
They are really nice people.
And yes I do love hanging out at the house.
Treated it like my own +)

Imagine my reaction to hear the news
The 'heartbeat-stopped' kind of feeling in novels was actually real.
And It wasnt the first time involving him.
The house was on fire once due to shot circuit.
Luckily they didnt sleep throught the night.

So I called with the worst fear intact
and after what could be the longest ringing of my life, he picked up!
Im glad like really glad kott..his parents too..
Later I knew they just moved out from the house as if the future was predicted already
The house is now flat, far to be called a bungalow
He is sad that his neighbours didnt survive in the incident
My condolences are with them.
Do you have anyone that you knew involved in the landslide??


Just because of someone from the past
My heart aches for a moment
It makes me wonder what about the other people I left in the past too?
Do I still care?

"skali bcoz u care td sthg blooms again..hehe" -Chan
"how does it feels talking to an ex after a long time weh?" -farid
2.glad and touched on his side? :P

Why still pining over your ugly ex?

Inner conflict.
Im talking about us, independent yet insecure girls.
1.The break-up was painful and I planned for a rebound
2.yet Im still single after the break-up and he
's as happy as ever
3.but anyway Im alright and in fact we can still be friends
4.but these people are making me feel like Im still clinging onto him
5.which I am NOT (for the 100000 times!)
6.but to NOT being friends will make it more obvious that I still couldnt get over it
7.BUT I already did!

so many BUTs...

Mama said not to misjudge people's thought just the way you dont want them to misjudge yours. Deep down when it comes to my family, friends and former lovers, I cant help it before.
I used to feel that way, always feel the need to tell them "I have gotten over him!!"
But it wont work, in fact it will only confirm their hypothesis of your state of heart and mental.

People always say friendship often ends with love but love in friendship - never.
Allow me to depart from the advice..for me being friends with them shows that I bear no grudges and feelings anymore. The more I face the person who broke or has his broken, the more neutral I feel towards them. And to convince you who is deeply broken , there's nothing greater than to look straight into his eyes blankly, as if you were never affected from the start.

Arent you ashamed with the past you had? Its hard to face him!
Of course. I used to throw my pride away for LOVE until it bordered into an obsession, zaman jahiliyah ye..
I was high on pharma drugs and embarrassed him in front of his friends,
I kept in touch with his parents even when its over,
I cried and told him I didnt sleep for 2 days because of him,
I was high again and told his bestie I missed him,
I gave out my diaries for keepsake,
I smoked to near death knowing my lung is weak since birth,
I stalked his girlfriend who is a senior in my university,
I went out with his cousin.

after I bid goodbye to M-boys and switched to girls,younger boys and non-M, I havent experience any of the above anymore. Change is good to get rid of the habit but the key is to feel good and be accountable of your past. In my case, no matter how I wish not to remember any of it anymore, I still think what I did isnt wrong. Foolish on my part, but I let them go. Perhaps you have given out your bra or naked pic so he would realize his loss, you're an idiot but its alright, dont repeat. Meet him and let him know indirectly that it didnt affect you at all.
So I did give you my naked pic before, not a big d
eal coz I have increased a size since the last time. Still, your loss.
Im just saying hehe...

I googled on piccies and found this-

credits as stated.

Be friends with your ex isnt that bad because a familiar company is all you need in the end..
You just have to know when to stop from falling in the trap la kot..Oh, create yours if you want (lol, im telling you girls love sweet revenge)
I dont know about the game you play but after I played mine, they're not worth to catch in the net..they get older, poorer and fatter..and he should be glad of the friendship because we dont bitch on our friends +)

Yes! Yes! No! No!

Yes I like boys who were delivered into the world circa 88-90s
Yes I like strange manly-girly guys
Yes I like Idols
Yes I like fanfics but not fiction books

Despite the antipathy from the soi-disant educated, high taste close ones, I find quality in them.
Addictive. Creative. Im happy! +)

No I dont like Twilight
No I dont like the overrated unoriginal Marie Digby
No I dont like girls that way
No I dont like driving

Yes I would love to kick Miley Cyrus!
No I dont want to date a guy with hairless armpits!