goodbye dk

the girl whom I thot I can relate to when it comes to love and loneliness committed suicide yesterday
she raised her white flag too soon

I should have told her being 20 is fun, be patient -- you got money, so spend it and buy happiness

I went through mental hell for a decade
Been used

Been blamed
Been mistreated
Been misunderstood
but
I'm still okay

I have great support
I gotta be strong for others
I do admit tho sometimes I'm afraid I might get tired of it....

Nway Im stickin' with my principles and even if I have found the love, I wont open my heart entirely..I cant let myself be vulnerable..i hope he understands that I will only change for the unconditional love he gives me, not because of advices he gives me..what kind of love is this? conditional love to get unconditional love..?!

without words

I shouldn't have done that,
I should have pretend not to know
Like I didn't see it,
like I couldn't see it
I shouldn't have looked at you in the first place

I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn't listening
Like I didn't hear it,
like I couldn't hear it
I shouldn't have heard your love in the first place

Without a word you made me know love
Without a word you gave me love
Because you took just a breath and ran away like this
Without a word love leaves me
Without a word love abandons me
Wondering what to say next,
my lips were surprised
Because it came without words

convincing myself

I'm used to this pain in my stomach now (siap bole blog lg! I must be kidding)
For some reasons
I dont want to become better
Serious taknak
Let it bleed some more

"Absence does not make the heart grow fonder,
but it sure heats up the blood."

*sigh* but that's just my foolish side speaking.....
blame me for constant self-damaging/
My close ones - think about them.

for the sake of days to come I have to become better..have to work to ease their burdens, to get what I want..gotta be portable..have to escape..........

tcof is spooky

“Okay babe, if you don’t want to be ducks… let’s be butterflies.”

“Butterflies?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes. Butterflies. Two butterflies flying together. We can be butterfly lovers,” he kissed my neck as a smile came over his face.

Yes, it was a very weird night. He was being romantic with ducks and butterflies, while I was only thinking about awkward thoughts, which always lead to awkward moments.

“Actually, my Chinese friend told me about this Chinese legend called the ‘Butterfly Lovers’ and it has somewhat of a tragic fate. Forbidden love… you know, kind of like Romeo and Juliet? The couple end up not reuniting together until in death.”

***

“Okay babe, just forget about anything your Chinese friend ever told you. First you ban my duck theory, calling me a male prostitute, and now my butterfly theory, saying we’re deemed to have a tragic fate. That’s just a load of baloney and superstition. I’m telling you we’re Butterfly Lovers and we don’t need to reunite together in death. You’re together with me right now…. and forever.”

“O-okay…” I smiled as I looked at our fingers entwined together. “We’re Butterfly Lovers.”

“The butterfly is a powerful symbol for transformation. It can symbolize joy, success, and love. Don’t you think our love… is kind of like the transformation of a butterfly?”

“H-how?” I stuttered, confusion coming across my face because like he always says, I’m just a clueless girl who doesn’t get a lot of things.

“Cause there’s distinct stages in love. As your relationship progresses into each stage of love, changes happen. Sometimes there are bad changes, and that can weaken the bond between two lovers, but I’d like to think in our relationship, everything has been good. So very good…” He kissed me delicately on the nose. “I’ve learned to love you more and more, as I fall deeper in each stage. Maybe that butterfly represents a strong symbol of metamorphosis.”

I looked up with a smile. “Wow.”

“Change and transformation are inevitable for us all, but it doesn’t have to be tragic.” He swiped a thumb on my lip again, causing me to look up. “You’ve changed from the beginning…”

“I-I have?” I replied, confusion muddling to the forefront of my mind.

“You’ve changed to be a better person, falling in love with me. You’ve changed in a positive way to make another person happy, but at the same time, you’ve grown out of your cocoon and transformed into the most beautiful butterfly.”

beautiful conversation, spooky coincidence

double dose

My stomach hurts a lot these few days. It comes and go so often.


And my bro shouldn't raised his voice at me just now
I x sengaja, bukan taknak focus while driving
Twice the pains =(

wakil kata hati

..masih seperti dulu --- this

UBV excerpt

"The dark haired woman lies languidly on her bed, eyes closed, drowning in the darkness of her bedroom. She knew this was wrong—she was being weak and pathetic, and this is not the woman he would have wanted to see. But the fire inside of her was small and nearly burnt out, and she just couldn’t be bothered to feel, to want to feel.

All she wanted was to pretend that all her mistakes—her greatest mistake—did not just come back to haunt her."

- 'the good daughter', Una Bella Vita

when it comes to fantasy and imagination..we're better off with Asians who are non-Malaysians
some of our friends are mad talented and super nice
they feed our ego, increase our preferences, entertain our downfalls and decrease our innocence =p
we inspire one another
a different interesting world after all~