Me and my girlfriends are a bunch of retards


We share men

.save us.

Im the first wife

.save me.


I think my old blog posts are awesome
I am amazed at myself LOL

The Angelic Sinner 1.0

She was alive, and unafraid with her words

I have deviated from old habits kot?


Shit, I feel so depressed right now

Thanks to this one couple who parted ways because they love each other too much

They never said I love you to each other, they never kissed on the lips

They're just a decent couple for almost a year

I hate their heartbreaking video messages to each others' future partner

I hate all the sayings that actually mean nothing but I LOVE YOU

Sorry in advance to my future husband but I don't think I can ever forget this man and the past we had


She doesn't know this but when things were really hard, I looked at her face..and she has comforted me so many times


He couldn't wake up instantly in the morning so you have to be patient


She cooks well but please don't make her cook all the time


He likes to win so always lose to him but don't make it too obvious


Please work hard for her so she can rest well in the future


He doesn't like to say mushy things so try to understand his messages from the heart


She always appear strong but let her know its okay to cry sometimes

She's a true woman when she's being herself


She's the only and the last person I'd come to this place with and

Lastly make sure she wont come to this place anymore because she will remember me~

I cant remember if I have said things like that to a man before

I have but I don't remember the details or perhaps I refused to

Too bad I didn't keep a copy of the pieces I wrote

Hello~ was it heartbreaking, the last words I said?


I was never the romantic type because I dont do PDA and Im not the I-miss-you-lets-meet-everyday girlfriend, I dont want hugs, flowers or rings (though fine dining, money and clothes are accepted)

However I do want a guy to tell me something that shows he actually notices the littlest and simplest things about me

  • I want to go to strange childish places like the Safari or Planetarium,
  • I want him to buy me Yoko-Yoko when my legs ache from walking with heels for hours,
  • I want him to buy me reference books so I would study diligently,
  • I want him to buy me chocolate or milo when Im moody,
  • I want him to find my lost bracelet even if we have walked 2km farther down the road
  • Tell me that he doesn't mind me reading comics and spazzing over the characters
  • Tell me that he doesn't mind to taste my terrible cookings
  • Tell me that its okay to receive one-day silent treatment every month
  • Tell me that I can wake up late during weekends

BIG sigh

Really, I cant remember the feeling of being loved truly and sincerely by a guy

It seems like it happened a long time ago?

The others seem like they were only using me to at least, feel wanted or appreciated once in their lives +(

Just so you know, I had fun too so Im not blaming you 100%

This is getting pitiful and nonsense, need to stop haha

I'm walking through streets that are dead
Walking, walking with you in my head
My feet are so tired, my brain is so wired
And the clouds are weeping
Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child; you destroyed me with a smile
-Lovesick, Bob Dylan

I nod endlessly and I stab soon after

Everybody knows Im not a great law student
I feel like Im only fated to study that and just that
Obviously I dont have the FIRE to argue

I believe Im smart in my own rights
Tensai neh, tensai
not in the Malaysian education system context though
and not through the eyes of snobbish educated Malaysians of course

Often Im being seen as someone dumb
I volunteered myself to appear dumb
Partly because I AM DUMB and partly because its fun +)

Its really interesting to see someone to look down upon you
All this while thinking you know nothing about what they said
Like all the talks relating to politics, history, philosophers and books
They mention complicated Russian-ish names and expect my jaws to drop, completely amazed
There's just so many aspects of life that people thought Im clueless about
Its irritating to see them explaining it to me over and over again but its interesting to see that coming from self-claimed humble individuals
Kafka my ass

As for me, Im not humble, Im just lazy to talk or show it in public
Laziness conquers me like no one else
Aphrodisia too, at times
And when I do boast about it, I tend to become too arrogant
But thats alright, usually it happens when I have to counter-attack an arrogant person

Please teach me about cooking, statistic, preservatives, engines, cancer cells instead

box out the strange self

-=to the wide-eyed audiences & skeletons in my closet=-

I rarely smile at strangers.
When I use my headphones and blend in with the crowds of people
I think I have disappeared

Nonetheless I dont have a problem dancing and making out with strangers.
I want to dance
The music that makes even my own footsteps disappear
Until I can forget the fights with you

Always instantly seeking for privacy when regrets resurface.
When I return to my messy room
In your existence I confirm my loneliness

And back to the usual cold silent self.
Although it would be nice if I could become gentler
For only my sake and not someone else's
I can't feel the pain by myself

I never apologized because they, in real life is just as selfish as I.
That's why it's for you...
I hope I can be stronger, I hope someday I will reach you
I want to give you the same loneliness
That's why I sing this song for you

Im happy in my deluded fairytales and dreams.
Even on mornings I don't want to get up,
I get up for his face
On the sleepless nights I sing the song you gave to me.
Don't make the wrong guess
Because I don't think I'll rely on you
Or anyone or anything

I heard. I know about the plan to talk me into reality.
If there's a song that can be sung for only my sake
And not someone else's
I don't want to remember that kind of thing
That's why it's for you...

Take time, perhaps the crazy one is you?
I'm supposed to be used to this
I can be humble but when Im being misunderstood
I feel like I'll burst

I love you
I want to make you cry
I can try to heal you too
When I want to fly
You always give me a brighter sky

too much that it backfires.
You want to make me cry
You taught me joy by sorrow
When I want to shine
You always give me a darker sky

when it fades

...engrave it.

my obsession is always intense.
but subject to cease too.

it was my little sister's idea
and I always wanted to do this once
since he has one on his back too +)
bad bad boy

My landslide fear

The landslide in Bukit Antarabangsa affected me a lot.
Taman Bukit Mewah.
That is where my ex was.
We have known each other since 98 (10years)

Even though I dont love him as in 'love' even when we were together
I have always love him and his family.
They are really nice people.
And yes I do love hanging out at the house.
Treated it like my own +)

Imagine my reaction to hear the news
The 'heartbeat-stopped' kind of feeling in novels was actually real.
And It wasnt the first time involving him.
The house was on fire once due to shot circuit.
Luckily they didnt sleep throught the night.

So I called with the worst fear intact
and after what could be the longest ringing of my life, he picked up!
Im glad like really glad kott..his parents too..
Later I knew they just moved out from the house as if the future was predicted already
The house is now flat, far to be called a bungalow
He is sad that his neighbours didnt survive in the incident
My condolences are with them.
Do you have anyone that you knew involved in the landslide??


Just because of someone from the past
My heart aches for a moment
It makes me wonder what about the other people I left in the past too?
Do I still care?

"skali bcoz u care td sthg blooms again..hehe" -Chan
"how does it feels talking to an ex after a long time weh?" -farid
2.glad and touched on his side? :P

Why still pining over your ugly ex?

Inner conflict.
Im talking about us, independent yet insecure girls.
1.The break-up was painful and I planned for a rebound
2.yet Im still single after the break-up and he
's as happy as ever
3.but anyway Im alright and in fact we can still be friends
4.but these people are making me feel like Im still clinging onto him
5.which I am NOT (for the 100000 times!)
6.but to NOT being friends will make it more obvious that I still couldnt get over it
7.BUT I already did!

so many BUTs...

Mama said not to misjudge people's thought just the way you dont want them to misjudge yours. Deep down when it comes to my family, friends and former lovers, I cant help it before.
I used to feel that way, always feel the need to tell them "I have gotten over him!!"
But it wont work, in fact it will only confirm their hypothesis of your state of heart and mental.

People always say friendship often ends with love but love in friendship - never.
Allow me to depart from the advice..for me being friends with them shows that I bear no grudges and feelings anymore. The more I face the person who broke or has his broken, the more neutral I feel towards them. And to convince you who is deeply broken , there's nothing greater than to look straight into his eyes blankly, as if you were never affected from the start.

Arent you ashamed with the past you had? Its hard to face him!
Of course. I used to throw my pride away for LOVE until it bordered into an obsession, zaman jahiliyah ye..
I was high on pharma drugs and embarrassed him in front of his friends,
I kept in touch with his parents even when its over,
I cried and told him I didnt sleep for 2 days because of him,
I was high again and told his bestie I missed him,
I gave out my diaries for keepsake,
I smoked to near death knowing my lung is weak since birth,
I stalked his girlfriend who is a senior in my university,
I went out with his cousin.

after I bid goodbye to M-boys and switched to girls,younger boys and non-M, I havent experience any of the above anymore. Change is good to get rid of the habit but the key is to feel good and be accountable of your past. In my case, no matter how I wish not to remember any of it anymore, I still think what I did isnt wrong. Foolish on my part, but I let them go. Perhaps you have given out your bra or naked pic so he would realize his loss, you're an idiot but its alright, dont repeat. Meet him and let him know indirectly that it didnt affect you at all.
So I did give you my naked pic before, not a big d
eal coz I have increased a size since the last time. Still, your loss.
Im just saying hehe...

I googled on piccies and found this-

credits as stated.

Be friends with your ex isnt that bad because a familiar company is all you need in the end..
You just have to know when to stop from falling in the trap la kot..Oh, create yours if you want (lol, im telling you girls love sweet revenge)
I dont know about the game you play but after I played mine, they're not worth to catch in the net..they get older, poorer and fatter..and he should be glad of the friendship because we dont bitch on our friends +)

Yes! Yes! No! No!

Yes I like boys who were delivered into the world circa 88-90s
Yes I like strange manly-girly guys
Yes I like Idols
Yes I like fanfics but not fiction books

Despite the antipathy from the soi-disant educated, high taste close ones, I find quality in them.
Addictive. Creative. Im happy! +)

No I dont like Twilight
No I dont like the overrated unoriginal Marie Digby
No I dont like girls that way
No I dont like driving

Yes I would love to kick Miley Cyrus!
No I dont want to date a guy with hairless armpits!

You Know

Remember I was excited about my plan going to Bangkok in November, Farid?
On the 29th , no today Im supposed to be on the plane leaving Malaysia behind to have fun.
Bangkok is Fun!
29th, Rajamangala Stadium - Fun!!
But I ditched the plan for an unknown reason.
Now we know why and Im glad.
The airport is chaotic now eh?
And if I really bought the tix some more..Im gonna be doomed.
When unexplained things happened around you..just accept it.
It is called hikmah, believe it unbelievers!

So I heard it will be postponed to February 7 09
which is a day after my birthday!
Is it wise to be there ?
It could be the best birthday or the most horrible birthday ever

*sigh* you know we arent always lucky in life/death......


they said
"first love cant be forgotten"
I've been living with regrets
keep wondering of his whereabouts
friendster, myspace, emails are useless
I couldnt find him
I want to see again
just to check on someone who had secured his place

I found him after 7 years
my good memories are ruined
time, friends and stupidity have eaten him alive

old saying dies.
I say,
"first love must be forgotten"

Bali Wedding of My Bestie

...with Liya in B's room...while everybody dance to poco-poco

CDG one minute request (60x per day)

Asia FTW

"I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine"

Comme des Garçons,
drop by Isetan asap nehh?
i've been waiting for so long..

"I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you"

P.S: I cant believe a fashion label reminds me of Garbage-#1 crush. Boy, I do have a huge crush on it.

co-amoxiclav reaction

I havent been updating lately not because Im sick of the blogging world.
Im just sick. literally.
sickness makes it hard for me to express myself.
only fatigue and pale face are obvious.
amazingly its the side effects of meds that are killing me.
If only they made me thin instead..and tone down one's eroticism.

public private dedic

Dedication to TWO girls I used to have conflicts with, but now have kissed and made up!
I love you girls more~

Izzie (dont ask why I named you that hehe, it sounds good)

words are misleading
so when war of tongues occurs, I guess its better to be the silent 'periuk api'
because when you're burned, she's burned too :) fair and square la kan
scrap it off, be happy now!
jom makan molten choc..


i still cant forgive your "i-forgot-to-put-vanilla-essence-in-your-birthday-muffins" (LOL)
but it went right through the heart
so consider the muffins as your immunity idol :)
oh, i cant forgive your emphasis on the fishes liking my feet more than yours too
but hey, such 10minutes joy, consider that as a small gift from me okay?

one day regret

Within a month, 3 guys that I know have vanished from Malaysia to different countries
When they left, I didnt bother to even bid farewell to them
balai berlepas KLIA and I dont have chemistry

They will return..surely
No need to miss them that bad like their girlfriends or exes
Plus its an annoyance to see each other

And when one dropped by the house the day before he left, he only talked to my cousins while I trapped myself in the
because WHY? the stupid silly me was too lazy to put on a bra to go out and greet him
Its amazing how we can pulled off an 8 year old lesslove-morehate friendship and how he can tolerate my infamous "stfu-i-dont-feel-like-talking" mode for years..and instead I couldnt even wear a bra and wish safe journey to him at that very moment??curse me.

anyway..anyway I just want to confess that I probably miss him a bit....okay more than a bit..

hats off to me

I feel OLD when I realize
  1. Im a has-been
  2. I want a baby
  3. I want a toy-boy
1. No elaboration. It hurts my pride to declare that Im no longer in the hall of fame.

2. Me and my friends have this syndrome called "yes-baby-no-husband". It worries me a lot and now it affects my hormones because
  • We want a fat baby and to get one we need a man
  • We need a man but we dont want him as a whole
  • We need his 'ahem' but we are aware that sperm donation is not allowed in any way (sensitive issue nehh)
Alas, we have no choice but to fix ourselves asap.

3. Older men=yes. Same-age men=No. Younger men=YES. I feel good about it but in our world, you will only end up looking older. In order to escape nasty looks and comments in the future, I need to migrate first.

the 'In' nails

my nails prefer half-nudity

and I just love what proper girls hate

one minute love

yes, actually i like you

minus my blood
minus my pals
minus my school
minus my town

happy we are~

one second whine

Not happy.

take it the way you want it

Have you ever seen a man wearing Levi's unbuttoned?


I've seen one and I plead for it to be once only

An invitation..
It rips your innocence just like that
It is a dangerous s-e-x weapon
You'll die easily for not being able to unbutton it

Im serious, am not horny, am actually scared

emotionally cheating?

for girls out there

my eyes
my ears
my hands

my face
my lips
my heart
my soul remembers you

even when he forms a smile
in my eyes, you are smiling
even when I hold his hand
i feel your hand

my mind erased you though
my heart emptied you out though
you’ve clearly been erased but
even now it’s still no use

though time is erasing your figure now
and my mind that was filled with you is being emptied

Though I empty my heart
My body remembers you
The memory
The more I erase it,
the more vivid it gets
The memory
The more I hate it,
it comes closer..

Is it breathing inside me
In the dark, when will it close its eyes
But even if I walk forward, its you
Even if I turn around, its you
Even when I’m held in his arms
My body, it only feels you

The memory of you,
Even within the presence of someone near me
when they’re just passing by
I’m still crazy for you because
My body remembers you
..I still remember you

one of my favourite songs.

at least i still remain a girl within the realm of hypocrisy

I feel like bitching.


she's not my friend but a friend of a friend,

she's a fellow blogger,

she's famous and has fans too,

I dont want to gain an official hater..

I will not mention her name.

seriously girl,

blogging in Malay language is fine, in fact I adore that because my skill is confined to bahasa rojak(manglish) only which is nothing to be proud of..

but bitching and cursing and trying to sound similar like the blokes' blogs that we both know while you're looking feminine and demure like that..??

please, it makes me sick. what are you, tranny?

p.s : oh ya, kalau memang kau yang terasa, sukahati makbapak aku la kan? kau pun boleh mengutuk jugak kalau nak.


this isnt reminiscing...

precious handbag. status:lost.
precious NYinaball. status:broken.
precious friend. status:missing.

...this is anyeong

my disorder should be infected to all myspace minors




unless its a fun one.

I almost got struck by lightning because I refused to accept mother's "you look good in that top!" and mother couldnt understand why I couldnt fake my response at least. I ignored her and she ignored me until delicious food unites us back. let's not count on how many times me and my family members have a strained relationship because of it.

and I scored the highest mark again, in a test. strange. I even wondered to myself..did I cheat or something? had my blood turns blue or what? I love my friends but when they praise me, I desperately want to hate them. Being a recipient of compliments is scary. I feel nervous for some unknown reasons and I hate my fake smile. hideous! so please, dont fuglize my face anymore.

exception to the general rule:
self-boasting is still essential to boost my life

wallpapered heart

DW: Milk Bath On a Guy
*added to fantasy list*

Girls like me adore Lee for sure
He dares to go beyond modesty the way we wanted
and he's YOUNGER ;p

i have repented

[purely fiction]

"another one Shot In The Dark for me, please.."

that's how I like my drink.
Unfortunately he's not being favoured by others. Unlike Ivy.
Ivy oh Ivy.
I know her. I mean who doesnt? she's part of The Alcohols, you know the very helpful and powerful family in the neighbourhood.
She has quite a few sweet names but I call her Poison Ivy.

Whenever love bids goodbye, people tend to choose her as their bestfriend.
True, she allows you to cry non-stop, you can curse and blame everyone in front of her for the pain and sufferings you have to endure including God..
She even allows you to throw things or beat people..and she will defends you still.
She makes his/her face disappears from your naked eyes
She authorizes you to vomit and collapse without guilt.
She shuts you down from thinking about the jerk.
To simplify, she does what Shot obviously couldnt.
On the surface, she may be a good friend to others..but not to me.

Didnt Poison Ivy tells you that as much as she tells you Sex is the reason why that jerk couldnt stay with you, she's also an ally to Sex..they are known to be sometimes partners, sometimes can never count on both of them. Think about it, when you wakes up to a stranger beside you, isnt it weird how she can never be contacted by anyone the morning after?
Did she also tells you that she can take care of your reality but not your dreams..the moment Dream enters..bringing past love along, what happens to you all alone in the dark? Scary, isnt it. you NOW realize that she didnt care about your fate at all during those times you actually relied upon her for your dear life??

When love bids goodbye to me, I need to stay awake for as long as I can..
I call for Shot.

Give me your banana

Music knows no barrier
This year, my soul lives in Seoul/Tokyo..depending on the weather

Interesting facts
  • There is one horny fan of the oh-so-sexy Kim Jaejoong from Dbsk/Tohoshinki who made a video of him with a very dirty song called "Give Me Your Banana" as the background music. It goes like this...

Give me your banana

Let me taste your banana

nyum nyum nyum nyum

Yeah, yeah sure every girls would love to

  • Then the love of my life for this month indirectly introduced me to Sogyumo Acacia Band. They look so proper and far from sounding dirty..but strangely I keep on singing banana song..

  • It bothers me a lot and singing it more will only entrench my reputation as a pervert (which is bad) so I googled 'give me your banana' and found a CF by Olympus (!!)

  • Guess what? It is a song made for Olympus ad and yeah the girl, Yozoh is the singer

Finally the mystery has been solved

  • I love Yozoh and the bands more
  • I find Olympus to be creepy - now I see, Olympus has a fetish for banana and they want yours to be captured by them


NH wrote about the snake dream we always believe as a sign for future spouse
Reminds me of the recent dream I had and actually remember

A big snake followed me and my people caught it
I asked them to cut the snake open and enjoyed every moment of it

Does that mean Im going to meet my man and find great pleasure in torturing him?






Tee Hee. I like ;p


Si kurus keding who turns me on.