love sigh

the 2nd phase of our relationship has surfaced I think

  • miscommunication.
  • failure to understand each other.
  • too selfish and argumentative
  • too stubborn to kiss and make up.
  • impossibility of making it work.

I'm disappointed that he's disappointed with me.
He shouldn't reacted like that when I've gone through and about to go through hell just to come up with that decision.
Maybe I'm hoping too much on his understanding and support and love that cant exist at that time.
Cant he just understand that I had sacrificed more than he thot but I dont want to tell him that I made sacrifices because that would mean Im trying to compare with him and thats not any relationship. There's just no easy way in telling your partner to understand what you've done for him.

I'm confused and this is a major turn off.
But I still love this love and him =(

predicting what is predictable

how do you share your worries with your partner?
even if its related to us, him.. I cant bring myself to talk with him
this has nothing to do with who loves more and who loves less right

I cuma tak biasa committing my heart to just one person

I tak biasa in a relationship and act like a devoted girlfriend

I biasa bercinta tp I tak biasa berdua

but this doesn't mean I don't love him

I used to be this cool girlfriend who allowed the guy to have his own time and expected to be given the same amount of "me" time.. I'm very comfortable with being alone, hanging out with girlfriends and share the joys of the day with my boyfriend..maybe we're not really in love before but the pressure was less, hence more comfortable. For 6 years this is who I was.

Now the pressure is everywhere and the pressure itself is confusing
  • Its like I think about my bf often but I rarely show it because does it matter for him to knw? Lack of affections they said..
  • Ppl seem to think I have no clue that my bf might still keep in touch with the former girl and that he prolly still loves her so I should cage him-- reality is I'm very aware of it and strangely I don't feel jealous about it. I can be mad (of crse) if there's complete secrecy but other than that, I kind of understand.
these 2 can be the downfall of our rship.......would it be my fault by then?

I know what I want

I want to go to HKU - Elaine to be. Gotta be. No buts. I want to breathe a new life..with riry? :p

I want a relationship - I want more than sweet words, I want more than someone like hazry asking me what im wearing at nite, I want more than kisses thru the fon, I want more than being one's favorite girl, I want more than stalled memories, I want to be the one and only in someone's heart coz I can do that for him. Or else it's just a connection.

I want a relationship that will reach an anniversary - this is very challenging for someone like me but I'm willing to challenge myself.

I want a life with a closetful of CDGs - means I just want to end up doing what Im passionate about successfully and gain what I've always wanted

I want small doses of happiness daily instead of a bulk of it once a year - lately Im so happy to know I'm blessed with littlest form of love that I often overlook..I percaya when your heart aches, your mind opens your eyes to notice beautiful things to mend your heart..and oh, I'm gonna go back to the life of shared interests...with sheart..makes me feel naturally beautiful and ambitious =)

spiritually speaking, I also know what I want to do but its between me and Him..=)