the forgotten TAS

I used to be the IT girl haha
Now? I almost forgot my blog's password


fame and popularity is seasonal
so enjoy it while you're having 'em


Me. I'm a has been. But baby, I'm more hotter than ever hehehe

Love and Compassion


"Love and compassion"
these essential elements are leaving me slowly...because these people in my life failed to show what love and compassion is..

The boyfriend is challenging my wants and principles in life
The ex-girlfriend is challenging my patience
The family is testing my endurance

Please hear me out before I leave..

Will you listen to me? Have you forgotten the good deeds people did to you? Everyone deserves forgiveness, who are you not to forgive them? Why cant you admit your mistakes? Why cant you think nicely of others? Can you treat others properly? Why cant you stand up for yourself? Does begging helps you to move on? Why cant you think positively about being single? What am I to you - a puppet? Why cant you support one's beliefs in life? Can you show me what love selflessly means if I hadn't brought it up? Does it soothes your soul for not being truthful to yourself? Will it be better if I leave? Will you give up easily? Can you try to become more mature?

Do you really think I'm being stupid?

Am I willing to risk my life and happiness for the answers?
Yes. I have nothing to lose..people can come and go as they wish and I appreciate each one of them silently. I wouldn't force oil and water together.

love sigh

the 2nd phase of our relationship has surfaced I think

  • miscommunication.
  • failure to understand each other.
  • too selfish and argumentative
  • too stubborn to kiss and make up.
  • impossibility of making it work.

I'm disappointed that he's disappointed with me.
He shouldn't reacted like that when I've gone through and about to go through hell just to come up with that decision.
Maybe I'm hoping too much on his understanding and support and love that cant exist at that time.
Cant he just understand that I had sacrificed more than he thot but I dont want to tell him that I made sacrifices because that would mean Im trying to compare with him and thats not any relationship. There's just no easy way in telling your partner to understand what you've done for him.

I'm confused and this is a major turn off.
But I still love this love and him =(

predicting what is predictable

how do you share your worries with your partner?
even if its related to us, him.. I cant bring myself to talk with him
this has nothing to do with who loves more and who loves less right

I cuma tak biasa committing my heart to just one person

I tak biasa in a relationship and act like a devoted girlfriend

I biasa bercinta tp I tak biasa berdua

but this doesn't mean I don't love him

I used to be this cool girlfriend who allowed the guy to have his own time and expected to be given the same amount of "me" time.. I'm very comfortable with being alone, hanging out with girlfriends and share the joys of the day with my boyfriend..maybe we're not really in love before but the pressure was less, hence more comfortable. For 6 years this is who I was.

Now the pressure is everywhere and the pressure itself is confusing
  • Its like I think about my bf often but I rarely show it because does it matter for him to knw? Lack of affections they said..
  • Ppl seem to think I have no clue that my bf might still keep in touch with the former girl and that he prolly still loves her so I should cage him-- reality is I'm very aware of it and strangely I don't feel jealous about it. I can be mad (of crse) if there's complete secrecy but other than that, I kind of understand.
these 2 can be the downfall of our rship.......would it be my fault by then?

I know what I want

I want to go to HKU - Elaine to be. Gotta be. No buts. I want to breathe a new life..with riry? :p

I want a relationship - I want more than sweet words, I want more than someone like hazry asking me what im wearing at nite, I want more than kisses thru the fon, I want more than being one's favorite girl, I want more than stalled memories, I want to be the one and only in someone's heart coz I can do that for him. Or else it's just a connection.

I want a relationship that will reach an anniversary - this is very challenging for someone like me but I'm willing to challenge myself.

I want a life with a closetful of CDGs - means I just want to end up doing what Im passionate about successfully and gain what I've always wanted

I want small doses of happiness daily instead of a bulk of it once a year - lately Im so happy to know I'm blessed with littlest form of love that I often overlook..I percaya when your heart aches, your mind opens your eyes to notice beautiful things to mend your heart..and oh, I'm gonna go back to the life of shared interests...with sheart..makes me feel naturally beautiful and ambitious =)

spiritually speaking, I also know what I want to do but its between me and Him..=)

without words

I shouldn't have done that,
I should have pretend not to know
Like I didn't see it,
like I couldn't see it
I shouldn't have looked at you in the first place

I should have run away
I should have pretended I wasn't listening
Like I didn't hear it,
like I couldn't hear it
I shouldn't have heard your love in the first place

Without a word you made me know love
Without a word you gave me love
Because you took just a breath and ran away like this
Without a word love leaves me
Without a word love abandons me
Wondering what to say next,
my lips were surprised
Because it came without words

you're beautiful ost~

tcof is spooky

“Okay babe, if you don’t want to be ducks… let’s be butterflies.”

“Butterflies?” I asked in surprise.

“Yes. Butterflies. Two butterflies flying together. We can be butterfly lovers,” he kissed my neck as a smile came over his face.

Yes, it was a very weird night. He was being romantic with ducks and butterflies, while I was only thinking about awkward thoughts, which always lead to awkward moments.

“Actually, my Chinese friend told me about this Chinese legend called the ‘Butterfly Lovers’ and it has somewhat of a tragic fate. Forbidden love… you know, kind of like Romeo and Juliet? The couple end up not reuniting together until in death.”


“Okay babe, just forget about anything your Chinese friend ever told you. First you ban my duck theory, calling me a male prostitute, and now my butterfly theory, saying we’re deemed to have a tragic fate. That’s just a load of baloney and superstition. I’m telling you we’re Butterfly Lovers and we don’t need to reunite together in death. You’re together with me right now…. and forever.”

“O-okay…” I smiled as I looked at our fingers entwined together. “We’re Butterfly Lovers.”

“The butterfly is a powerful symbol for transformation. It can symbolize joy, success, and love. Don’t you think our love… is kind of like the transformation of a butterfly?”

“H-how?” I stuttered, confusion coming across my face because like he always says, I’m just a clueless girl who doesn’t get a lot of things.

“Cause there’s distinct stages in love. As your relationship progresses into each stage of love, changes happen. Sometimes there are bad changes, and that can weaken the bond between two lovers, but I’d like to think in our relationship, everything has been good. So very good…” He kissed me delicately on the nose. “I’ve learned to love you more and more, as I fall deeper in each stage. Maybe that butterfly represents a strong symbol of metamorphosis.”

I looked up with a smile. “Wow.”

“Change and transformation are inevitable for us all, but it doesn’t have to be tragic.” He swiped a thumb on my lip again, causing me to look up. “You’ve changed from the beginning…”

“I-I have?” I replied, confusion muddling to the forefront of my mind.

“You’ve changed to be a better person, falling in love with me. You’ve changed in a positive way to make another person happy, but at the same time, you’ve grown out of your cocoon and transformed into the most beautiful butterfly.”

beautiful conversation, spooky coincidence